When my Mother died in 1995 her body was cremated as she wished. I collected her ashes and when I was asked where they would be placed, was happy to tell the crematorium, and pleased to know this was being recorded for the benefit of future genealogists.
I hadn’t thought to ask Mother where she’d like her ashes to go, and briefly considered putting them in the Avon/Otakaro River which she loved. However I knew this would be offensive to Maori, and decided that I would scatter them in my garden, knowing she’d be happy with this. I didn’t want to place them under a particular tree or shrub, thinking that could be problematic if we later moved somewhere else. My idea was simply that she would return to the earth in a general way. Mother used to live in a Theosophical community and I remembered her saying that after a senior member died and his ashes were scattered on a grassy slope it felt strange to walk past little piles of ash knowing they were his. Consequently I gently forked Mother’s ashes into the soil, so they were well mixed into various parts of my garden.
Some years later I was disturbed to learn that pregnant Maori women are advised not to attend any funeral or go near a site where there is any part of a dead body (because they are tapu when pregnant). I wasn’t expecting any pregnant Maori visitors but was aware that if any came I’d need to explain that my home might not be suitable to receive them. A few years ago an older man, well-versed in Maori spiritual lore, came to see me to bless a taonga I’d been given, and I told him of my concern. He offered to cleanse my property and we followed a ritual for this. It’s good to have had this done, to know that Mother’s ashes can rest in peace, and any pregnant visitors are quite safe.
I like to honour local lore,
and tikanga I can’t ignore.
Ruth's Reflections 
That was an interesting wee piece of your family herstory, Ruth. Looking at your and your mother’s last name, do I take it that you kept your family name when you married?
LikeLike
I took my husband’s name for 20 years, then realised I wanted my own identity back. I dithered for some time as to which name to use, and decided to stick with Gardner because I like its meaning.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I will need to consider these things when/if we decide to scatter my father’s ashes. Very helpful.
LikeLike
It’s always good to have thought about this kind of thing beforehand. I hadn’t thought to write it in my Advance Care Plan, and I’m hoping for alkaline hydrolysis.
LikeLiked by 1 person